


I Hate You

by YouHaveBatBreath (orphan_account)



Series: BatJokes Drabble [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Batjokes, Emotions, M/M, Prequel, These boys are so in love, but its okay, mostlt Hate, they just can't see it yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 06:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11412069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/YouHaveBatBreath
Summary: Batman slips up during a fight with Joker and ends up questioning his entire relationship with the clown.Prequel to Hate Mate or Date Mate?, but can be read by itself.





	I Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at BabyBatJokes on tumblr! You're welcome to send me a request if you'd like!

To say that neither of them had been expecting it would have been an understatement. Like understatement of the year, or the century, possibly the entire length of time that the world had even been around. Maybe longer. It had been a completely normal fight, Joker had blown something up, and Batman had chased him around Gotham until he cornered the clown in an alleyway that had no escape route. Then they proceeded to beat the ever-loving crap out of each other.

It had all been perfectly normal, Joker’s lip was bleeding, and his left arm ached horribly from a bad bruise or a possible fracture, and blood was trickling down the underside of Batman’s cowl and was dribbling over his mouth, there was also a cut on his chest from one of Joker’s hidden knives. _It was so fucking normal _!!__

__And then it happened… Joker was nearly beaten, thrown against the alley and trapped in by enormous walls of Batman. He was ready to be defeated and carried off to Arkham, again. Batman reeled back to throw the deciding punch and Joker flinched, his eyes shut tight._ _

__And suddenly there was warm lips pressing against Joker’s. His brain short-circuited a little bit from shock, it took him a little bit to get his mouth to obey his commands and respond to the kiss, pushing back into it mindlessly._ _

__By the time both people had came back to their senses the damage was done. Joker’s lipstick was irreparably smeared, mostly across Batman’s mouth, and both of them were panting breathlessly._ _

__Batman’s eyes took in the sight before him and felt something deep and ugly shift inside of himself, it might have been years and years of internalized homophobia, because as he looked down at the Joker, leaning back against the alley wall, his pupils blown until the green was near gone, his lips swollen and his lipstick messy, his clothes rumpled, all Batman could think was about how badly he wanted to go back to just exactly what he had been doing._ _

__“Wow.” Joker’s voice was ragged, Batman hated how it made that damn thing inside of him stir again. “I expected a punch in the face but that felt almost as good.” The clown pushed himself upright and brushed off his purple suit. It rattled Batman how he seemed completely unaffected (mentally) by the little thing between them, while Batman, on the other hand, was shook._ _

__He didn't know what to say, or how to say it, and he felt like if he talked right then he would say something that he would regret. His grappling hook was never more welcome than right at that moment. He didn't even care that he left Gotham’s most wanted criminal standing in an alleyway by himself, he just needed to _get out of there.__ _

____~_ _ _ _

____For the next week the entire world wondered where Batman had disappeared to. The last reports of a sighting of Batman was when someone saw him chasing Joker around Gotham, but with the clown still being at large everyone began to assume that Joker had finally managed to either kill Batman or put him out of action for a while. Nobody would have guessed the truth. Batman was running scared._ _ _ _

____For an entire week Gotham’s dark knight was hiding under his silk sheets and trying to either make sense of, or completely obliterate what had happened in his mind._ _ _ _

____Why had he kissed Joker?_ _ _ _

____Sometimes he liked to tell himself that he was trying to throw the clown off, trying to unbalance him and make it easier to capture him, but seeing how badly Batman was affected and how Joker seemed mostly unaffected, he guessed that either that plan backfired horribly or that hadn't been his original intentions at all._ _ _ _

____Here in the cozy confines of Wayne Manor he was just Bruce. Batman was who he became when he went downstairs. But lounging in his bed, stressing over a long overdue conflict of heart and mind, he needed some simplicity in his life, even if that simplicity was a millionaire with about 500 phone numbers of Gotham’s finest eligible (and exclusively eligible to him) ladies. He didn't even have the urge to dial one of them._ _ _ _

____He agonized for hours. What had possessed him to do such a thing? Sure, the Joker was very handsome, but Batman _hated _him. There had to be some rule against kissing your hate mates.___ _ _ _

______Unless… maybe it was like a reverse of a normal relationship? Instead of loving each other they hated each other. But was kissing allowed? He groaned to himself and rolled over in his bed until he was wrapped up likes human burrito._ _ _ _ _ _

______He didn't even want to kiss Joker, did he? He wanted to smash his smug face, and beat the crap out of him, and tend to his injuries, and hold his hand, maybe parade him around tow- No! Nononono._ _ _ _ _ _

______Okay maybe. Maybe he wanted to kiss Joker. Just a little bit. Maybe he wanted to hold his hand, maybe he wanted to do a little more than that. But how did Joker feel about it? Batman had left very abruptly, but Joker’s words were still echoing in his mind “ _I expected a punch in the face but that felt almost as good. _” Maybe, just maybe, the Joker wanted to kiss Batman too?___ _ _ _ _ _

________There wasn't any other way to figure out the answers to his questions, so Batman suited up for the first time in a week and headed back out into the world._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It really wasn't hard to find Joker when he really wanted to. The clown wasn't exactly subtle, and Batman was just really good at finding his hate-mate._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The night found them sitting on a rooftop, literally the only place they could go that wasn't swamped with people and cameras. The Joker was tied up, as he was most of the time when Batman had him, and the clown seemed to be enjoying the situation far too much._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Batsy, where have you been, honey? I've missed you.” Joker’s voice was absolutely elated. “Why'd you go into hiding?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________There was absolutely no answer. Batman was blushing horribly under his cowl. There was no way he was going to admit that he was shaken by a little (not so little) kiss._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You're not all shy about our smoochy, are you?” Joker’s giggles were absolutely insane. “That’s adorable.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Joker, be serious for a second, would you?” Batman snapped._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you realize how contradictory that sentence is?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“A couple is two people who feel very strong emotions towards each other, right?” Joker could probably see the glow of his burning cheeks through the bulletproof material of his cowl._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“...Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And… and we feel very strong hatred for each other. And hatred is definitely an emotion, right?” His ground the words out, hating how his stomach was flipping._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What are you getting at, Batsy?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I want to go on a date,” Batman rushed the words out. “With you.” He clarified._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“...A date?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah, like a hate-date.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“A hate date.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yup.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“...”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“...”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“AWWWW, Batsy, you're so disgustingly romantic!” Joker squealed happily. “I’d love to go on a hate date with you!!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Finding a date spot that suited his needs was not easy for Batman, but he eventually located an abandoned carnival on the outskirts of Gotham where he insisted that Joker meet him. Of course the clown was overjoyed at his choice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Batsy, baby, I don't think that wine and roses are the thing to bring to a hate-date.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Its not wine and roses. Its a Molotov cocktail and a bouquet of Oleander and Basil.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Joker laughed happily. “That's my Batsy.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who doesn't understand the Oleander and Basil bouquet, Oleander is a flower that means "You better watch out", and basil means "I hate you".


End file.
